These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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