and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
