He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
