Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize