I just gift wrapped bread.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
