Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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