He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
