you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
