she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize