I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
