I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There r osticjed everywhere
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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