Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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