He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize