There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
