it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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