i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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