He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
