Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
