apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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