Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
3pm strippers are depressing
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
