So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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