fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Too much gin, very little bucket
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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