I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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