ya dads aren't the best wingmen
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
