oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
