well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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