you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
