dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize