I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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