If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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