I want to stick my p in your. b.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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