epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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