I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize