awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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