Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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