i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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