Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
