I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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