we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i now understand why vodka
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
