there's paper in my vomit.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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