K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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