so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
