Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
