He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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