But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
