Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
