I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
