Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
