i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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