i barfeds in our rink
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
