People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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