nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize