Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
