you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
