She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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