yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
