my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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