Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This is my gift to your gina
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
