another moral hangover. fuck.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
