She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
