If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
