Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
