FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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