Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
