Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
