i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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