guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the day after is always just damage control
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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