i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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