we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
