i would punch a child for taco bell
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
