Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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