she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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