so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize