the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
