I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
