if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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