Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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