So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
