We're facebook friends in real life
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
