dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize