my soul wont recognize me after tonight
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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