Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
