My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
