so explain again why im purple
no
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
