at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
