hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize