All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
