I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
