He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
