Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
