She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
