I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
