someone owes me an orgasm
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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