How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
